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Monday, April 9, 2018

Since I'm Already Leaving





No one will probably read this. It might probably be just be that time of the month.

It's almost 10pm. I am tired, I wasn't able to sleep well last night due to a really scary dream. Mass shooting with a gun pointed to my head and me pleading for my life. Yup, that bad. My body clock has been messed up by a fun night out going home at daylight. I haven't done that in a while.

My energy suddenly is depleted.

Been playing Bleachers' Terrible Thrills Vol 2 for days now. Currently: Who I Want You To Love.

I like this guy. I haven't liked a guy like this in a really really long time. I don't even know much about him. I've had crushes, yes. But not like this. He doesn't even know and it's probably a one way thing. But I like someone. After yearrrrs, finally.


After breaking up with a guy I fell in love with on the road. After finally getting over him and finally accepting that I had an extra hard time getting over him and the relationship, because our memories would always be attached to the best five months of my life traveling and finally doing something that I loved. I wasn't just getting over him, I was trying to move forward from that part of my life. Took me years to realize this.

Getting over him involved several impulsive travels to faraway places, and some guys in between that never turned into anything serious.

But I moved on and discovered how strong I can be. I focused on myself, on becoming better. On paying attention to the things that make me happy and those that interest me. Finally, there wasn't the need to be with someone because I wasn't lonely anymore. I was finally okay.

In the process, I forgot what it felt like to feel the emotions - both good and the bad - that come with liking someone.

And then all of a sudden I meet this guy and I started to like him.

I know, it caught me off guard too. My closest friends know how much of a big deal this is. haha

But I'm not used to all these unnecessary emotions that come with liking someone aymore. And I don't know know what to do about all of it. And it's scary.

Maybe this is a good thing? Or maybe I'm just hungry?

And yes, in the meantime. Because hopefully by next year. I'll have something more relevant to write and share again.