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Thursday, November 2, 2017

Almost 32


Seoul, South Korea


Jemima Kirke (Girls’ Jessa) recorded a video of her working out the day she turned 32, and she had this to say about that day.

In Jemima’s words: 

Those transitional, soul-level-change moments we experience are never dramatic. Epiphanies don’t really happen. They’re a myth. Real transformation is boring and uncomfortable, like working out on your birthday when you have no plans. Change slips in unnoticed while you’re busy trudging through something pretty unremarkable. 

It's my birthday month. 32 is just around the corner. And I never imagined a part of my life to be like this this year. Never. There are just some relationships you’d think would never change, or disintegrate, or you’ll lose. But they do.

And Jemima perfectly describes it. It wasn’t as dramatic as change was in your 20s. Changes, and I’m not talking about those big life moments, nor heartbreaks, but some changes slowly happen. They happen while you’re doing something else. They happen when you’re happy in other parts of your life. But the magnitude, the realization of them, slowly creeps up on you when you have a shitty day. When you’re tired from a three-hour muay thai training session. When it’s that time of the month. The reality sinks in. The pain, the loss.

But unlike in your 20s, tomorrow you feel better. You wake up and go to work. You continue living your life.

You will always have that fear of losing people because of your imperfections, or of mistakes you’ve made, or because of circumstances, or just because. And that’s okay.

Unlike in your 20s when you didn’t believe that it’s okay. In your 30s, you finally believe that it’s okay, that it’s going be okay.

Tomorrow you continue a part of your life that’s mundane, until it becomes exciting again, then mundane again.

But you, you learn to deal with things better now. You deal with endings better now.