Late Night Train Musings

Been feeling melancholic lately. I look up the Ortigas skyline at night walking back to the office from the gym, and I feel sad. Already missing the places, the people, and the routine I've recently realized I have come to like and appreciate. 

So this is how it feels like when you're doing something not because you want to escape, or because you want to change. I'm not used to it. 

Seven months. But this time it seems more real. And days have been a blur lately. I make an effort to relish the routine, yes even the walk back to the office. 

I realize that in half a year, I'll be walking streets of foreign lands again, an ocean apart from here. It excites me, it scares me a lot, but I'm ready for it. This time I am. 

But I try to look at it from the perspective that this time I am okay. I am free from hangups, I am no longer longing for places, for someone (for him), for experiences that has already ended. 

The fact that in a few months I am leaving again has made me live more in the present.

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I once fell in love with a guy I met on the road. Looking back now that I'm okay, I think the reason why I fell for him was also because of his stories. Because I wanted them too. It's what has always drawn me to people. Their stories and experiences. The experiences they had pursuing something they were passionate about. People who at least once in ther lives tried to live a life outside of what is 'normal' and 'expected'. 

He told me about this place that I never really paid attention to. He showed me photos and told me exciting and amazing stories. Then I met people on the road who talked about how much they loved their time there. 

 I've been chasing the dream of going there myself since we broke up. It never worked out before, I always seem to be distracted. Because I was chasing it for the wrong reasons, I was holding on to him or the idea of him. And now that I'm finally okay (in all its sense and man was it hard work), I am finally on track. I am still pursuing it not because I am unhappy and I want to escape. I am actually generally happy these days. I am pursuing it because I want to. Because while I still can phsyically and while life will still allow me to (because shit will happen again eventually), I want to be able do the things that I love as often as I can. I am fucking scared but I am so excited. 

How liberating ❤️ 

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Since I'm Already Leaving

No one will probably read this. It might probably be just be that time of the month.

It's almost 10pm. I am tired, I wasn't able to sleep well last night due to a really scary dream. Mass shooting with a gun pointed to my head and me pleading for my life. Yup, that bad. My body clock has been messed up by a fun night out going home at daylight. I haven't done that in a while.

My energy suddenly is depleted.

Been playing Bleachers' Terrible Thrills Vol 2 for days now. Currently: Who I Want You To Love.

I like this guy. I haven't liked a guy like this in a really really long time. I don't even know much about him. I've had crushes, yes. But not like this. He doesn't even know and it's probably a one way thing. But I like someone. After yearrrrs, finally.


After breaking up with a guy I fell in love with on the road. After finally getting over him and finally accepting that I had an extra hard time getting over him and the relationship, because our memories would always be attached to the best five months of my life traveling and finally doing something that I loved. I wasn't just getting over him, I was trying to move forward from that part of my life. Took me years to realize this.

Getting over him involved several impulsive travels to faraway places, and some guys in between that never turned into anything serious.

But I moved on and discovered how strong I can be. I focused on myself, on becoming better. On paying attention to the things that make me happy and those that interest me. Finally, there wasn't the need to be with someone because I wasn't lonely anymore. I was finally okay.

In the process, I forgot what it felt like to feel the emotions - both good and the bad - that come with liking someone.

And then all of a sudden I meet this guy and I started to like him.

I know, it caught me off guard too. My closest friends know how much of a big deal this is. haha

But I'm not used to all these unnecessary emotions that come with liking someone aymore. And I don't know know what to do about all of it. And it's scary.

Maybe this is a good thing? Or maybe I'm just hungry?

And yes, in the meantime. Because hopefully by next year. I'll have something more relevant to write and share again.

Almost 32

Seoul, South Korea

Jemima Kirke (Girls’ Jessa) recorded a video of her working out the day she turned 32, and she had this to say about that day.

In Jemima’s words: 

Those transitional, soul-level-change moments we experience are never dramatic. Epiphanies don’t really happen. They’re a myth. Real transformation is boring and uncomfortable, like working out on your birthday when you have no plans. Change slips in unnoticed while you’re busy trudging through something pretty unremarkable. 

The Tao Philippines Experience

Daracuton Island

Note: Some of the photos are from the other travelers in the Tao Expedition. Thank you to Venediktos (or Ben) for giving me permission to post his beautiful photos especially the night and underwater photos. Thank you Ben!

Coron felt unfamiliar. It wasn’t like the small and sleepy town I remember from seven years ago. It was busy and crowded with so many tourists. There were now bars for partying. But we were only there for less than two days before we start the five-day boat expedition with Tao Philippines. So it was all good. I was ready for a few days of isolation and escape from the 'real world'.

Tamang Heritage Trail

In March 2015, I trekked the Tamang Heritage Trail. A month after, the April 25 earthquake struck destroying the villages and the trail. Rebuilding of the villages and reconstruction of the trail are still underway. The ongoing fuel crisis has it made quite challenging recently, as in the whole of Nepal. But along with the Tamang people and of all Nepalese, I have hope that one day (hopefully soon), the villages and its people will recover.