The past few weeks in the office have been relatively busy. In fact, I even closed a deal on that same day. So I really didn't feel like it was my last day. It's either that or I was just in denial.
I had lunch with the people I like most in the office. And that's where it kind of started, the sad part of leaving the people who have been really nice to me. These are the people who constantly comforted me during stressful and unbearable days, and who patiently listened to me rant. But there was this one person, the 'ate' (older sister) I never had, who made me cry during my last five minutes in the office. The funny and touching thing was that we were both surprised of the fact that we cried. That was the sad part, but I do know for sure that I'm still going to see these people outside the office.
And then there was fear.
I'm not going to pretend here that all of these - quitting my job without another one waiting and traveling - are all happy and easy stuff. Because it's not.
And I never really thought that I would feel so scared when I handed over my company ID and healthcare card (also of my parents'). I guess I was just really used to feeling financially and medically secure for the past five years.
Another fear I had was that of going back to the same industry after the Big Trip. What even lead me to this fear was the fact that my boss told me that I can always go back. And hearing that line after suddenly feeling concerned over financial security? It's even scarier. It's not that going back is a bad thing. It's just that I know in my heart that I can do more with my life outside of that industry.
I can not fully describe to you the fear I felt and still feeling right now. But it surprised me and it really caught me off guard. But eventually I realized that leaving and moving on from a part of your life is never easy. It's just the way it is. And so I embraced the fear. And accepted that it's part of the whole process of the change that I'm going through.
But more than the fear and sadness, I actually felt FREE.
You see, I quit my job not just because I wanted to travel. I quit my job because I know that it has to be done. I didn't quit my job just because I was stressed out. I quit my job because it was slowly taking over my life. I was angry and resentful almost everyday. After years of feeling this way, I knew that something has to be done. I just never really had the courage to acknowledge it and accept the fact that I had to leave. And after finally finding the courage to do it, I saved up. And here I am now. I am free from the anger and resentment. I feel like a big rock has been lifted off of me. And there is now a huge space for new things and emotions. And so far most of them have been good and positive things. And I like the person that I am now. I know it's only been 4 days since, but so far I'm loving the freedom.
So, yes, so far, all the fear and sadness has been worth it. The freedom and happiness I feel right now are all worth it.
I don't know what my life is going to be after the Big Trip. But I'm happy where I am now. And I'm excited to discover what life and the world are going to offer me. :)
How about you? How did it feel when you finally quit the job, or left a situation, that has been taking over your life?
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