“It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.”
- Conan O’Brien, Dartmouth Class of 2011 Commencement Speech
I couldn’t agree more. Back in college, I had an idea of who and what I was going to be in the real world. I worked and pushed myself into becoming that perceived ideal. But it just didn’t work out. I failed a lot of times, and I was so disappointed with myself and the universe. Looking back, I know now that life just had a better idea. When we try so hard to achieve something or to become someone and we fail, we just really have to accept the fact that it’s not meant to happen. It’s a cliché, but it does happen in real life. It happened to me.
When we know deep inside that there’s nothing anymore that we can do about achieving our perceived ideal, we try to reinvent ourselves. We look deep inside and talk to our hearts (sorry for the melodramatic lines :P) and find out what makes us truly happy. We make that thing a priority and we try to achieve it. There is no assurance that it will materialize or that we will succeed. But we wouldn’t know unless we try. Even the journey or the process of reinvention is a remarkable life experience in itself. We learn things about ourselves and our capabilities. And in this sense, we never really lose. We just gain more. We become better.
This trip is my first try at reinvention. I have absolutely no idea if it’s going to work out or not. All I know is that it is making me happy right now – the goal and the journey towards that goal. I have never felt so excited and passionate about something in a very long time. For the past five years my life has been mostly about failures and frustrations. The past two years has been about fears and settling for what is here right now. This trip saved me. This trip awakened my spirit again. I feel like I am capable again.
I know it’s such a bizarre idea. I know that for some it is perceived as irresponsible or I’m being ungrateful of the blessings that I have. I know that it does look like a stupid and scary thing to do. But this bizarre, stupid, and scary thing is making me happy right now. And I want to be happy, genuinely happy for a change.
Wow. The words above just found themselves pouring out of my heart. This entry was supposed to just say that I find Conan O’Brien’s speech funny and inspiring. Instead, I just realized that I haven’t been this happy and passionate in quite a long time. Which is really really great. :)
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