Sep 2, 2019

What does it mean to let go really? Of your past, of expectations, of your fears? Because I think that’s what this is.

I’ve been on my own for so long. I rarely, very rarely, ask for help. I barely ask anyone to do something for me. That’s why I’m very appreciative when people do something for me, no matter how small it is, because I’m not used to it.

In the past, I’ve been used to people walking out on me the moment I get scared and I feel vulnerable. Someone telling me I’m worth it and actually meaning it and doing the effort is so refreshing. I can’t quite know how to deal with it.

But then this is also teaching me about how this is about two individuals who have been shaped by their own experiences in the past, getting to know someone more as days pass, and still choosing to be with each other.

I’ve been so used to travel relationships that unfortunately don’t translate to real life. Because once it demands work and effort and dealing with the uncomfortable conversations, they realize it’s not worth it. Now I have one grounded in the everyday real life. Both the blissful, stressful, and mundane ones.

Now I appreciate the small things more. The days can be slow or so fast because of how busy it can get, but it’s nice to do your thing the whole day. And then end a day asking and being asked how one’s day was, how you feel, and what they mean to you. But on the days spent together, the smallest things seem more precious. It would be wonderful to share details here but I prefer to keep them to myself. But how great is it to be completely comfortable with who you are and how you look with someone and not be judged and be appreciated.

It's one thing to be supported and cheered on as you try to live your dream. But it's a whole other feeling to see and hear someone talk about their passion. To watch how he dedicates his hours to be the best that he can be at what he does, and take joy in helping someone be the best version of him/herself. This is just one of the things I love most about him.

This has also taught me to get out of my head and just enjoy and live the life I have now. For an overthinker like myself, it can be quite a challenge. There are still the bad days when my overthinking overpowers my emotions, but it has gotten a lot easier since.

They say, I’ve always said it too, that this is for people who are brave. Because all people, I think are scared, but a few people still choose to do it. I used to think I can never be one of the brave ones. But here I am.

And for someone who's been alone for the longest time. And someone who's finally, in my early 30s through a lot of self-love and hard work, come to the point where I knew that I will be okay if I be single the rest of my life - I took a chance. And so far it’s been amazing. It’s not perfect, it takes work. But it’s wonderful.

Taking this all in one day at a time, as anything in life should be, right? © . Design by Berenica Designs.