Courtyards

Jul 25, 2019

Machu Picchu, Peru


Does anyone ever read this blog anymore? haha I feel like travel blogs are dead now.

But hey, I have to write this down.

Lately, I've been having the urge to go down and outside the courtyard here in my workplace. Sit down, stop myself from crying, and do deep breaths.

It's bothering how it's necessary now.

Sometimes it happens when I'm somewhere out and I consciously have to read a certain line on something. This morning, it was a signage in the bus I was in. You know just like what Jessica Jones does. She recites an address. That's what I've been doing too. I have to recite in my head whatever it is that I read to remind myself to be present.

I write down what triggers it, but then I rationalize it in my head and I know it's irrational.

It's not real. It's just my mind and my past messing with my head.

But it's hard. It's been hard.

Do I just wait for it to pass?

But walking around the floor helps. Sitting down at that bench and feeling the breeze, the warmth of the sun.

I miss the mountains. I miss the places I've been where I feel safe and I can just be present.

Do you feel this way too?
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